Do NOT Rely on the Top 10 Signs of Infidelity

There are “top 10 lists of infidelity signs” all over the internet. But you should never rely solely on one of these lists to tell if you have a cheating mate.  You can be easily misled if you do.  

Over reliance on one of these so-called “signs of infidelity lists” can lull you into a false sense of security and put you in the awkward position of being the last to know.  Or it could also cause you to falsely accuse an innocent mate.  

Here’s why:

How You Can Be Deceived

Not seeing any of the “classic signs of infidelity” is no guarantee that you have a faithful mate.  Since these signs are all over the Internet, a cheater can easily find them.  So these are the first signs the cheater will cover up.  After all, how hard can it be to cover up 10 signs?

On the other hand, seeing one or more of the so-called "top 10 infidelity signs" may not necessarily mean your partner is having an affair.  There are a number of reasons totally unrelated to infidelity why your spouse or significant other might display one or more of these signs.   For example, some of the signs of infidelity on a typical “top 10 list” are also indicative of someone with a drug, alcohol, or gambling problem – or someone planning a surprise for their mate.

A Typical Top 10 List

Here are the signs of infidelity that usually appear on a typical “top 10 list”

1. Frequent, unaccounted for absences.

2. Suspicious phone behavior

3. Coming home late from work

4. Money missing from the bank account

5. Numerous lies or excuses

6. Increased concern about clothing or physical appearance

7. Unusual/ unexplained charges on the credit card bill

8. Complaints, arguments, picking fights over trivial things

9. Decrease in sex life

10. Lipstick, make-up, cologne/perfume on collar or other areas of clothing

The Problem with The Top 10 Signs

Knowing the top 10 signs of infidelity won’t help you catch a cheating mate.  When it comes to something as serious as infidelity, there are far more than 10 factors involved.   It’s impossible to determine whether or not mate is cheating on the basis of a mere 10 signs. 

What then, should you do if you suspect infidelity?

Focus on 21 Areas of Concern

To really make an accurate assessment, you should focus on 21 areas of concern.  There are 21 major categories of infidelity signs.  Each category consists of from 19 to 92 signs.  Some of the signs are obvious.  But the majority are subtle and easy to overlook. Since no two cheaters will display the exact same signs, knowing what to look for is the key.

To give you an idea of the type and number of infidelity signs in each category, I’ve listed five of the 21 major categories below: 

CONVERSATIONAL CLUES

What the cheater chooses or refuses to talk about can alert you that he or she is having an affair. They may start mentioning new people, places or things, while the people, places and things they used to talk about are no longer a part of their conversation. There are 70 conversational clues you can listen for that can give you valuable information about your partner's affair.

HOW HE OR SHE RELATES TO YOU

The cheater's involvement with someone else will cause him or her to treat you differently -- even on a subconscious level - in over 70 different ways.  This is a key area where if you know what to look for, you can spot telltale signs of infidelity that even a private investigator might overlook.

HIS OR HER BEHAVIOR AROUND THE OPPOSITE SEX

Studies show that a cheater is most likely to have an affair with someone they already know -- a neighbor, co-worker, business associate or family friend. If you know what to look for, there are 71 signs of infidelity that can help you figure out who the other woman or other man might be.  The way the cheater acts around their secret lover will usually give them away.   

DAY-TO-DAY BEHAVIOR

Most people have a basic routine they usually follow each day. A cheater will often display a dozen or more of the 92 deviations from their normal pattern of behavior.  These deviations are important telltale signs.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

A cheater will express a sudden desire to look more attractive.  He or she will begin to enhance or upgrade his or her appearance in some way.  So if your mate suddenly embarks on a drastic makeover, it's probably to impress their lover, not you. There are at least 76 different changes in wardrobe, grooming habits, and personal hygiene which indicate that he or she is having an affair.

(For a complete list of the 21 major categories, click here)

Don’t  Be Misled

Do not rely on the presence or absence of the top 10 signs of infidelity, or you could easily be deceived.  You don’t want to jump to conclusions and accuse an innocent mate. Nor do you want to set yourself up to be the last to know.  For two “real-life” accounts of just how deceptive these top 10 lists can be, see the article entitled How 2 Women Were Fooled by the Top 10 Signs of Infidelity.

NOTE:  The popular infidelity reference book Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs goes into much greater detail about the 21 major categories of infidelity signs.